Category Archives: Self Appreciation

3 Steps to Begin Healing Your Whole Self Instantly!

Everyone talking about self-care but no one really says how we are to take care of ourselves. Learning how to take care of yourself involves learning who you are and what’s really ailing you. You’ll discover that many of your ailments are related to one another.

Before I begin, allow me to say that I am not a medical professional. What I am about to tell you isn’t claiming to cure, prevent, or treat any disease. I am sharing some things that are based on years of personal research.

Where to Start?

Begin with assessing yourself in the three categories of your being.
1. Spiritually.
2. Mentally.
3. Physically.

1. Spiritually:

woman wearing sleeveless dress
Photo by nappy on Pexels.com

Assess what you believe about God and what the word says about Him. Do they line up?
Do you believe that God is really providing for you? (Matthew 6:26)
Do you believe that the Holy Spirit is working on your behalf? (Romans 8:25-28)
Do you believe it when the Lord says He left to go prepare a place for you? (John 14:1-7)
Or
Do you frantically go about your day as if everything is on you?
Do you feel that all ‘good’ you do can earn God’s grace and forgiveness?
Do believe that you can fix all that is wrong in your life and the lives of others?
Are you hypervigilant in trying to prevent any and everything from going wrong?

The answers to those questions will lay the foundation of how you go about your day.

Mini Testimony: I’ve gone most of my life struggling to live in God’s grace and trust in His provision. In result, I would scramble to get into jobs that weren’t for me, scramble to pay the bills, scramble to do other things so that other’s wouldn’t think of me to be lazy, say “yes” when I really meant “no”, and I was often irritable and depressed. I didn’t realize that God wasn’t as hard on me as I and the world was hard on me.

What to do?
Grant yourself some grace = Give yourself space and time to improve.
Pray and ask God to help you see yourself and your life through His eyes. Ask Him to help you endure this temporary hardship and trust Him. Ask Him to keep you from doing something horrible and permanent during this temporary hardship.

Related Post: Self-Care Saturday! Self-Care 101.

2. Mentally:

oval brown wooden framed hanging mirror
Photo by Nadine Wuchenauer on Pexels.com

“Who do you think you are taking too?!”
A phrase many black mothers and fathers have iterated after we’ve allowed our words to fly too loosely.
However, this applies to us for us. We can be quick to downplay who we are, what we look like, what we’ve accomplished, and worst of all, what God has done for us. We do this to attempt to be or seem humble. In reality, our harsh words can dissolve us from the inside out and discredit what and who deserves credit.

Mini Testimony: I was a pro at downplaying my looks in order to avoid being made fun of about my size. It was my way of  ‘beating someone to the punch’.
I had often assumed that if I wasn’t overweight, they wouldn’t make fun of me. I had often wished I wasn’t fat. I used to call myself “stupid”, “fat and ugly”, “too dark”, etc.
If anything went wrong, I assumed it’s because of what I did or didn’t do. Which is why, I still battle with feeling like I could have prevented all the bullying, sexual harassment, loneliness, and more.

What to do?
Try to catch yourself calling yourself names.
Catch yourself about to turn down a genuine compliment on your smarts, efforts, or looks.
Catch yourself comparing who you are and what you have to others.
Know that you’re worthy of respect, love, honesty, joy, peace, health, and wholeness.
Grant yourself some grace when you do mess up.
Treat yourself like you would a ten-month-old baby learning to stand and walk.

3. Physically:

photo of woman wearing eyeglasses
Photo by Mike Sho on Pexels.com

Did you know that it is possible to get headaches from normal foods you eat or drink? Did you know that chronic stress can cause hair loss? Did you know that anxiety causes sleeping problems and sleep deprivation can cause an anxiety disorder? (Anxiety & Depression Association of America, www.aada.org)
Most doctors would scoff at those kinds of questions, but they’re not exactly science-fiction. It’s recognizing which auto-immune issues you may have. Auto-Immune is when the body makes the error of attacking itself. Anywhere on your body can become inflamed causing pain, swelling, growths, and other problems.
Some Common Auto-Immune Issues:
Alopecia
Lupus
PCOS
Rheumatoid arthritis
To see a longer list of autoimmune diseases visit the American AutoImmune Diseases Related Diseases Association. (www.aarda.org)

Related Post: It Was Time For Change. So, I Cut My Hair. My Mission to Self-Heal.

Mini Testimony: If I consume too much dairy I’ll have back pain, headaches, persistent mucus that will interrupt my sleep and my speech.
If my diet has been really poor, my menstrual periods are extremely painful.
If I get too little sleep, my anxiety and depression will shoot through the roof.
I’ve had an ob/gyn refuse to remove my birth control rod after I told her that I didn’t want it anymore and it caused me to bleed for up to 17 days.  She laughed and wrote me a prescription for another birth control pill.

What to Do?
It’s imperative to know our bodies better than anyone else.
Study and research your pains, moles, patches or rashes, menstrual irregularities or confusion, etc.
Read about the Auto-Immune Protocol (AIP) to understand how common foods affect how we feel.
Shop around for healthcare providers that will take your symptoms seriously. The ones who brush off your problems, but are quick to prescribe a pill are the ones you don’t need.
If your health isn’t taken seriously, speak up! Notify the hospital and notify your insurance company so that when you go for a second opinion, the insurance will cover the visit.

This isn’t a perfect formula, but it’s one that will help you assess who you are and help you to be more comfortable in your own skin.

bareMinerals

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Heal Thyself

3 Examples of Sabotage and How to Avoid Them! Self-Care Saturday.

Yoooo! It’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been going through all the things and I have learned so much these past 6 months and I’ve got so much to share with you.

Sabotage Storm
Photo Credit: Flickr

One of them being sabotage. Whether it be intentional or not, caused by an outside source or caused by yourself, beware of sabotage.

I want to first discuss sabotage from outside sources, how to recognize them, and what to do when you see it.

Sabotage from others may come directly, passive-aggressively, or with no malicious intent at all. They may want to ruin your esteem, your day, your job, your education, your marriage, parenthood, etc just to make themselves more comfortable. They may not like what you do and how you do it or what you have and how you got it. Whatever it is about you, it makes their butt itch.


 

Here are three examples of sabotage that I have experienced.

  • You Need A Ride Today? I’ll Show Up at Never O’Clock. It happened to me in college. I was trying to snag one of those holiday season jobs. The buses were really unreliable near campus and I had no car. I asked a neighbor girl (I thought we were cool) in my dorm to drop me off to a job interview. She said “yes” and I told her that I would be ready to leave a xx:00 pm. She left the dorm and never told me. Come to find out, she left for winter break early. She never told me she was leaving or that she changed her mind or anything.

In no way was obligated to take me to my interview. It was my responsibility to get there. However, it would have prevented me from being almost an hour late to my interview if she had just been upfront with me and I could have made other plans.

  • Trying to Eat Clean? Smell My Pizza! I love my spouse dearly, but he was/is good for this (gotten better, though). During the first 3 to 4 months of me starting my health journey, I was seeing a nutritionist and working out and I was trying to avoid eating so much fast food. I told him that I was trying to avoid certain foods. He later, would order pizza, buy ice cream sandwiches, and buy brownies. I would tell him that those foods a really tempting and it would help if they aren’t brought into the house. His reply, “No one is forcing you to eat it.”

 

Eat or Be Eaten!

 

He wasn’t wrong because no one can force me to eat something I don’t want to eat. However, I did and didn’t want to eat those things. I am a food addict trying to recover. Just like an alcoholic or a narcotics user, you don’t bring around and offer them what they are trying to stay sober from. Especially, if you want to see them get better.

  • Hey, My Big Friend! I Could Never Be You. I’ve mentioned this briefly in my depression video that I made two years back. I’ve had people who I thought were my friends talk about my weight negatively in a passive-aggressive way. I have one friend who used to say things like, “No offense, but I could never be big.” She would go on to describe her reasoning of how “big people”, to her seem to always be uncomfortable, have “big bellies”, are sweaty, and breathe hard.

As entitled to her opinion as she was, she also wasn’t aware how that made me feel low and devalued. It showed how she saw me and what came to mind when it’s time to describe what she didn’t like about me. She had said it several times before to others in the past but would turn to me and say “no offense” before declaring how she felt about the possibility of being my size. I was already self-conscious about my size and my self-esteem was really low, too low to even stick up for myself.

We happen to still be cool. Like, we see each other every once a year because of life mostly. Not so much now because I moved to another state, but the reason why is another blog post.

There are many other ways that people will try to sabotage your life.

There will be that coworker that will claim your idea or work as their own.

There will be that one customer that will cuss and holler in hopes that you cave and give them what they want and ask for your manager in hopes that you will lose your position.

There will be people who will try to argue with you and say those trigger words and phrases to knock you off guard. They will try to get you so pissed that you will do something to jeopardize your freedom. You can just get up and walk away and never look back.

There will be folks who really don’t mean any harm, but they really don’t mean you any good. They don’t want good things to happen to you. As this one woman found out one day.

So, what can we do? We can’t avoid every single instance of sabotage, but we can become more aware.


3 Ways to Respond and Avoid Sabotage.
1. When Folks Don’t Come Through…
When you need a ride, babysitter, place to stay, etc find a way to create a plan B, C, D – Z. I know it’s harder when you suddenly are in need of those things but create a list of people you know you can count on. If the list is short or nonexistent, think of businesses that provide the help you need at the lowest price you can afford. Or create a stash just for those moments.
So, if you need a ride/ flight/ hotel, create a stash just for an Uber, a plane ticket, a car rental, an Air Bnb, etc. The same goes for childcare. Make sure you have made a list and a budget of daycare centers. Don’t be afraid of doing popcorn visits to daycare centers to see how they are when they aren’t prepared for new clients. Search out babysitters using Sittercity.com or Care.com and make a list and a budget just for their services.

 

2. When you’re trying to eat cleaner or stay sober…

First, it helps to not expect everyone to understand and comply with your health goals and how you plan to reach them. They won’t care like you care. They’ll claim they care, but if they aren’t trying to eat better, it will make their butts itch. It will aggravate them because they will have to make minor adjustments that will seem major to them. So, if you order out as much or don’t want to eat what they eat, they have to get what they want without you. Which means that you are no longer their eating buddy.

 

Some people can be avoided and you can move away from them and some you can not. One of the things that I used to do when my husband would order fast food, is to go into another room until he has finished eating and/or put the leftovers away. It helps to avoid being within an arms reach of what I want to avoid. Or when he buys cookies or brownies, I’ll put them in freezer bags and freeze them.

Or when someone invites me out to eat, I may or may not let them know how I’m trying to eat. However, I tend to look at the menus online to see if they have options that are better for me. If I happen to get tempted and want to eat a certain thing, I’ll order it and split it with a friend or ask the waiter to bring a box with my food and eat only a portion of my food. Then, I’ll box up the other half and eat it the next day or give it to my son or husband.

3. When you have a “friend” who inflicts the same wounds as an enemy…

There is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from people. There’s also nothing wrong with cutting yourself off from people. As I mentioned, there are people who don’t mean you well.

An herb that may be beneficial to one person, may poison another. Recognize how you feel after hanging around a person or a particular group of people. If you feel down and depressed after hanging around someone, it’s time to back away from them. Also, let them know their wrong. It’s very important to take up for yourself. That’s something that I wish I had done.

How have you recognized sabotage in your life?

Who did it come from?

What have you had to do to prevent even more sabotage?

Stay tuned for the next post about Self-Sabotage and How to Prevent It.

Take care!

Ebony/ CoilySue86

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Self-Care Saturday Journal: Unlearning How to Hate Me.

“I want to unlearn how to hate me.”

A sentence from one of my letters to God.

I wanted to take just a moment to express thoughts and feelings about how I have fallen into the trap of hating myself. It’s a trap that was set many years ago and we fall into it usually at a very young age. I know that I have.

That trap that’s been set to line the pockets of corporations who would benefit from many of God’s children to hate all that is themselves and all that is God. It’s also a trap set by the enemy in an attempt to get us to fall and deny God.

We really shouldn’t hate ourselves, but I have moments when I have caught me saying terrible things to myself or about myself. I’m sure that I’m not alone. So, my questions are…

What do you do when you realized you’ve been trained to be your own poison?

What do you do when you think of punishing yourself with cruelty?

What do you do when life seems the most hopeless? 

What do you do when you can’t seem to escape the thoughts that buzz loudly like a trapped housefly in an empty room with no windows?

Continue reading Self-Care Saturday Journal: Unlearning How to Hate Me.

My Holiday Self-Care in Memoriam Journal.

This past week I contributing guest on *The Spoken Black Girl blog. I spoke about the holidays, mourning, and self-care. I mentioned that I would exercise some of the ideas I shared in that post. Below is my first journal entry for the holidays season. I won’t be posting a daily entry, but I will post as often as necessary to as apart of keeping myself whole while still in mourning during the holidays.

So, I did a few things for myself this Thanksgiving.

*The post can’t be found on the site, but it can be found here.

self-care-in-memoriam

November 25, 2016

Yesterday was the fourth Thanksgiving without my mom. I thought about her and the rest of my living family; the family I should have called but I didn’t. I didn’t want them to ask me how I am doing or how things are going. I feel more obligated to tell them the truth than I do when my in-laws ask me. I’m not sure why, but even though we don’t speak much, I think they know a little better to know that my okay doesn’t mean I’m really okay.

Anyways…

My basics were met. I showered, brushed my teeth, ate breakfast, and took in a few cups of water. I took notice of how my body felt, noticed back pain, and took pain relievers so that I can enjoy the rest of my day. I took my twists out and rocked a mean twist-out. I wore eyeliner and winged the corners. I wore a red wine colored lippie. I looked good and felt good.

I wrote about my mom in my journal before I went to eat with my in-laws. I asked God to tell her that I miss her and I love her. I told God how I felt about yesterday. How I am glad she is with Him and not sick anymore. She may not be here anymore, but there’s no more suffering where she is now.

I kept my portions small, but I still ate, drank, laughed, and engaged with my family. I enjoyed my time with them, but my Thanksgiving wasn’t what I hoped it would be.

I wasn’t able to cook the way I wanted to this year. The finances didn’t allow it. That bummed me out a lot. However, it’s not like any family would have come over to help us eat it. Whether it be blood or in-law, family don’t visit and stay. Sometimes I get sad about that. Especially, when folks know where I live, I haven’t moved in over four years, and I tell them that they are always welcome. However, I don’t want anyone in my home who doesn’t want to be here. I need only peaceful energy in my home. I don’t care what holiday it is.

I took another shower, used my homemade lavender body scrub and butter. Doing that made me feel really pampered and my skin felt so soft. I then made it to bed before 11 pm. Showering and going to bed before midnight made a world of difference for my mood last night and today. I don’t feel as tense.

I think that taking a little extra care yesterday made Thanksgiving just a little more bearable this year. I am thankful for opportunities for family, food, and opportunities for self-care.

Thanks for reading!

Ebony/ CoilySue86

7 Effective Non-Negotiable Self-Care Tips! Self-Care 101.

This is my first Self Care Saturday post. Yay!

For the past three months, I’ve been doing what I can to take care of myself since my panic attack back in July. Since then, I’ve learned that all the missed opportunities to take care of myself, all the moments that I spoke ill of myself and to myself, all the moments I didn’t allow myself to mourn properly all added up to a complete meltdown. It was decades of built-up pressure.

So, no more of that crap! NO. MORE.

Related Post: 12 Tips for Holiday Self-Care in Memoriam: The Holidays, Mourning, & Self-Care.

Since this is the first post I thought I would post things that should never be skipped. Things that should be basic and non-negotiable. If they are not, no need to kick your own butt about it. Just try your best the next day or the next weekend.

*~*Note: Some of these habits that I will write about now and in the future may seem way too simple to most. So simple that it is possible that these should have been a part of my home training growing up. Some were a part of my home training but my self-care deteriorated along with my esteem. Some habits were learned in my late teens and/or I am discovering now. So, since this is a harsh judgment a.k.a snark-free zone and we weren’t all raised the same or share the same life experiences, I would hope that you all keep the comments kind, constructive, and nourishing. If that is way too difficult, keep the comments nonexistent. Mkay? Mkay.*~*


Donation Charity Infographic.png

 

7 Basic Non-Negotiable Self-Care Tips.

I know this is called Self-Care Saturday, but I wanted to go over what can be done daily to preserve yourself. If done daily your self-care Saturday won’t seem so overwhelming or daunting to tackle.

1. Bathing at Least Once a Day. A task so simple for most may be difficult for someone who has lost themselves. A part of getting back to yourself is keeping your body clean. This is important to avoid not only smelling but avoid yeast/ fungal infections on the creases and folds of the body. It’s also important to keep the skin clean and wash away body oil build-up that causes acne. It’s also refreshing to the skin and to the body to feel the warm water and the massaging your entire body with a bar of soap, a loofah, washcloth or just your hands and some soap.

So, whether it’s in the shower, the bathtub, or a birdbath at the sink. Wash your body.

2. Brushing Your Teeth Twice a Day. Brushing your teeth keeps your teeth clean, white or off-white, reduces gum disease, cavities, and other oral health problems. Also, if your teeth aren’t healthy, you may have difficulty eating and drinking. Which in turn depletes your energy and stamina.

3. Eating at Least Three Meals. Skipping meals, unless you’re fasting, is bad on the body. It throws off your endocrine system. Your endocrine system is “…the collection of glands that produce hormones that regulate metabolism, growth and development, tissue function, sexual function, reproduction, sleep, and mood, among other things.” – Live Science

bareMinerals

Neglecting your hunger will exacerbate mental and physical illnesses because it will inhibit any healing that is to take place during any moments of self-care. So, when you are trying to workout or go for a walk, you may burn out quicker than you would if you had a healthy meal or snack beforehand. It will also disturb sleep. If you are a menstruating woman, it will make your periods and ovulation irregular.

So, attempt to eat more wholesome foods. Food that has ingredients you can read or are very simple to make at home. Even when you don’t feel like eating, at least drink a smoothie or eat a protein and fiber-rich snack.

*Note: Beware of what you eat. Avoid your allergens. If you are unsure of what you may be allergic to, pay attention to how you feel mentally and physically for a from about 15 minutes to as much as a few days after eating fast food, nuts, dairy, eggs, candy, cakes, and pies. Certain foods may become toxic to your brain and may not show symptoms in the body. Or you may be accustomed to these symptoms and not realize that they are not good for you.

Related post: 3 Steps to Begin Healing Your Whole Self Instantly!

4. Drinking Water/ Healthy Liquids at Least 3 Times a Day. Water or water-rich fruits and vegetables will prevent symptoms of dehydration. These symptoms can exacerbate mental illness, sadness, confusion, and feelings of hopelessness. For me, I get a lot of headaches when I don’t get enough water in my body. Most of which seem to be tension headaches.

Attempt to drink 8 oz of water or tea every other hour to start and you would have drunk 56 oz in 12 hours. Or if you drink 8 oz every hour you would have drunk 96 oz in 12 hours.

5. Sleep/ Naps. I don’t know about you, but when I lose sleep I.Am.Not.Okay. If I am woken up suddenly, my heart races, my stomach gets upset, and I’ll have a full-blown attitude that may last until I go back to bed. Lack of sleep can make us more emotional, confused, and short-tempered. It can also raise blood pressure and increase your chances of heart disease.

If your nights of sleep are short, seek out a nap lasting either a max of 20 minutes or 90 minutes. Naps that last twenty minutes are good for a boost of energy and is the lightest part of your sleep before a REM sleep cycle begins. Naps that last 90 minutes allows you to complete a full sleep cycle which will leave you feeling refreshed. Anything in between will leave you feeling groggy because you enter a sleep cycle but are unable to complete it.

I use this site here to help me determine how many sleep cycles I can get in whatever time I have to sleep.

6. Laughing and Smiling. I’m just going to put this plainly. Go to YouTube and find some funny fails, funny cats, or watch videos by Kev On Stage or AphricanAce. I promise you will feel just a little bit better.

You can also call one of your funniest friends, play with your children and just get downright silly with them. Go see a comedy film or play at the theater.

There are no lies when it is said that laughter is the best medicine. It releases endorphins, reduces stress, eases anxiety and tension.

7. Prayer & Meditation. To recognize that you are a spiritual being with spiritual needs is a step toward healing and taking care of yourself. I say this because our spirit, mind, and body are all connected. When one is off, the others can be affected and will begin a cycle of pain and doubt.

The prayer and meditation I speak of are to go to a quiet space and talk to God and meditate on what His word has to say. Without even opening your mouth, you can communicate with Him. Sometimes, the words don’t come to us or we become silent in our speech. But He can hear us anyway when we talk to Him in our mind. And we can hear Him and read His instructions and love letters to us.

Repeat to yourself the truths He mentions about how much He cares for us when we feel anxious (1 Peter 5:57). It will help soothe our wounds and repel harmful chatter in our minds. It will also condition us to hear Him more loudly and frequently.

Did I forget any self-care basics? Which ones stood out to you?


I hope to post self-care tips, ideas, moments, etc at least twice a month. So, follow my blog to stay tuned.

Thanks for reading!

Ebony/ CoilySue86

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Sources:

Endocrine System:
http://www.livescience.com/26496-endocrine-system.html
Dehydration:
http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/dehydration-adults#1-3
http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/6-conditions-that-feel-like-depression-but-arent/
http://www.freedrinkingwater.com/water-education3/21-water-and-depression-stress-anxiety.htm
Laughter:
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.htm
Sleep:
https://sleep.org/articles/how-long-to-nap/

Black Girls Are… Good Girls and Then Some.

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Yes, you read it right. Black girls are good girls. Black women are good women. Yes, I made a general statement about us because it’s true and we are more than good.

I know there are messy, conniving, drama filled, evil women who happen to be black, but I am not talking about them. I am talking to them because we are all capable to do wrong. However, the good that I speak of isn’t the goodie-goodie, do no wrong, or holy girl you might be thinking of because only God is the true meaning of being good. Which all good gifts come from Him and that definitely would include us. 

You are probably the type of black girl or woman, that never really care to be a part of the crowd. You might be like me, eccentric and always will be. I am more than okay with this and I recommend that you practice saying “I’m more than okay with this” because words have power over your life. Even though you may deal with name calling, bullying, and total exclusion; learn to be more than okay with yourself. Learning to be okay with yourself will be rewarding continually in various ways. Possibly, because being yourself and odd can keep so many “anti-you” things away from you. Some “anti-you” things might make it past the gate to give you stress because that is life.  Either way, we are taken care of and we are loved greatly.

We struggle a lot; we’ve seen a lot, but we are always taken care of. In acknowledging that, it may help us to look for and appreciate the good things about ourselves and then show the same mercy and kindness to all others around us. Whatever was thought to be bad or wrong about us for most is a blessing for us and others.

We are the black girls and women who radiate peace, understanding, unconditional love, and don’t allow their circumstances to hide their light. We speak up and cause trouble for the underdog because we know what it’s like to be the underdog. We are the ones that prove the world wrong just by being ourselves and making strides toward our goals, the kind of goals that we “aren’t supposed” to have. 

www.twitter.com/nini_bWe are the type that hate to see the world suffer, but are willing to risk the world mocking us just to attempt help another sister or brother. We are chubby, fat, toned, thick, cute, sexy, well fed and well taken care of by our heavenly father in various ways. Therefore, our melanin pops hard and the curves in our hips and thighs exist to bear the life that is ours to carry and reproduce.

We are powerful, resilient, competent, adequate, intelligent, and strong. We feel pain, fear, uncertainty, and discouragement. 

We are ourselves from the top to bottom, inside and out. Quite frankly my dear that is a very good thing and then some.

Ebony/ CoilySue86

10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Naturalista!

Carol's Daughter

This is for all the curly, kinky, coily, nappy, textured women and men out there. Many of us naturally textured people understand that talking about our hair can be fun, exciting, and greatly informative. We may even receive uplifting compliments and pieces of advice that keep us moving along on our journey toward healthy gravity-defying hair.
Sometimes, talking about it be annoying, angering, and stressful. The things that are said to us, what we read, and overhear can disappoint, discourage, and disturb us to the point of feeling defensive and possibly inadequate about our literally outstanding mane.
Before I begin the list, I need to state that there is nothing wrong with some of these comments. However, depending on the circumstances of when they are said, to whom they are said, and why they are said can be contradicting to that love that exists for naturally textured hair. Many of these comments may come from people who claim to have love natural hair and may have natural hair themselves.
Note: This post contains affiliate links. It’s completely free for you to click on them. I only make a tiny commission if and when you decide to make a purchase. This post is also unsponsored.

Natural Hair Is Beautiful But…

 

10. “Why Does Your Hair Look So Nappy?”
UhErrrrmm… Okay. Riddle me this, Batman. How else is my hair supposed to look?
The word “nappy” isn’t as offensive to me as it was when I was seven years old and had relaxed hair. Back in the day, “nappy” was an offensive term and too many people it still is. It’s used to say that one’s hair is matted/ unkempt, unclean, and lacks definition and style.
From my understanding of coily hair and what nappy really means… there’s nothing wrong with it. Let me further explain. My hair is washed, conditioned, moisturized, detangled (only to re-tangle), healthy, and when left un-manipulated, becomes a nappy looking Afro. Which is A-Okay with me.

However, don’t ask us as if something is wrong with our hair being nappy and not defined enough for you. Just appreciate it as it is. If you can’t, just leave us to do that for you.

Carol's Daughter

Continue reading 10 Things You Shouldn’t Say to a Naturalista!