Showing: 1 - 3 of 3 RESULTS

4 Ways You’re Sabotaging Yourself! Self-Care Saturday.

Hey! Happy New Year!

This is the time we will start seeing the Twitter and Facebook posts with folks saying, “New Year, New Me!” [insert eye roll here] Then, there is an increase in gym membership sales across the country as people attempt to change and refresh themselves as we go into the new year.

self-care-saturday2

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to change yourself. However, that all starts in the mind with the renewing of your mind.

Are you sabotaging yourself?

I’ve written previously about sabotage from outside sources, but most of the sabotage we face in life comes from ourselves.

We want success so bad and we want to succeed at everything we do. We have hopes and dreams and we write them all down and just leave them there. Or we get started and quit within weeks.

We can be our biggest obstacle to overcome. I’m not going to smack you with the “you need to stop making excuses” line because that doesn’t break down what needs to be done or what we need to stop doing. It doesn’t allow one to do a self-assessment and it only makes room to be down on yourself.

So, you ask “How would I sabotage myself if I want to be successful so bad?”

Well, it’s all about what we don’t recognize that we do. It’s the habits that are a societal norm that slows us down or bring us to a complete halt.

Related Post: Practice Patience While Goal-Setting. 

pexels-photo-266623
Photo courtesy of Pexels.com.

Here are the 4 ways you are sabotaging yourself every day.

1. Distractions and Time Wasters.

The right thing (or not so bad thing) at the wrong time is the wrong thing. Social media, YouTube videos, mobile, and console games, etc all are cool up until you’ve lost track of time and are late for work or have missed pilates at the gym. Or until it makes you forget what you were supposed to for that blog post, school project, or audition for the third time this week.

There’s nothing wrong with social media because they keep us informed and games keep us entertained. However, it can make us forget all that is necessary to remember, respond to, and complete.

 

Click here! It’s legit. I shop with them.

Before we continue, click here to get your free 14-page journal; 3 Steps to Heal Yourself Journal.

Social media is a trigger for many to constantly compare ourselves to someone else. Personally, I find myself comparing my home, my body, my motherhood, my marriage, and my career to others whom I have never met, but have assumed their lives are better than mine.

Social media is also notorious for sharing horrific news (real or fake) and they can disturb your mood and your sleep. Also, lack of sleep can make it more difficult to wake up and be on time for work or school as well.

Solution: Pick certain times of the day or week to scroll through social media or play games and stick to them. The best times are during lunch or after work before dinner and on your days off when you’re not busy.

Try skipping scrolling and playing games before bed. Unless your projects are social media related, don’t scroll until you get done with homework.

Stop comparing your life to others. You can succeed like many others in just about everything you do. However, your success isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s.

pexels-photo-131023.png
Photo courtesy of pexels.com

2. Overthinking/ Feeling Inadequate.

It’s an easy thing to do when you are the type that wants to do everything, but feel like you don’t have enough time and the nothing you have is good enough to start the process. The time isn’t right. The space you have isn’t right. You aren’t right or good enough or perfect. This usually stems from playing the comparison game. We compare ourselves and what we have to others.

Granted some thoughts make sense to have. For example, you want to start a YouTube channel. You look in the description box and begin to take note of what camera and editing software your favorite YouTubers use to create the videos you love. Then, you notice that they use a camera that costs over $800, lights that cost over $60, editing software that costs over $200, and then there is the cost of what you want to show on your channel. (Hair products, makeup, clothes, shoes, etc)

You think, “Holy crap! I can’t afford any of that! Now, what will I do?” You being to think that you have to have thousands of dollars to start a YouTube channel. Since you don’t have it and don’t know when you will, you begin to feel down and hopeless.

Solution: First, know that the situation isn’t hopeless and thousands of dollars aren’t needed to start a YouTube channel or to start anything for that matter. Take note of the things that you are able to afford. If there isn’t much, then use what you have until you can afford it.

Stop comparing yourself to people who have been in the game for many years. You’re probably comparing yourself to them in their prime. If you go to someone and ask them to show you pictures or videos of how things were when they first started, it would probably look exactly the same as it does for you right now. Basic, boring, cheap, and everything we think it shouldn’t be. When you build something from the ground up, there will be dust. Accept that!

Personal Tips:

  • Every smartphone has a camera and you can find boxes or books to prop it up. If you have a little cash to your name, say like $25. you can invest in a tripod for phones.
  • You want to eat better and begin working out? Most insurance companies pay for visits to the nutritionist and doing workouts at home via YouTube is free. I’ll write more about how that has actually worked out for me.
  • You want a more organized house? Pick one room in your house to work on for the week. I recommend starting with the room with the least traffic. Work in that room for about one hour a day. If you want to do longer, it’s up to you. Ask for help from a friend to help you organize your home. Two pairs of hands are better than one.

pexels-photo.jpg

3. Trying to be 100% Independent.

Yep! I said it.

There is no such thing as being completely independent of anyone. Period!

We like to admit that we’re independent of the ones we don’t want help from. However, I understand why people try to be “independent” of needing the help of others. We get too proud to ask for help and don’t want to deal with being let down or mistreated while being in need. In fact, the latter feeds the previous.

You don’t want people to think that you are a bum and a moocher who doesn’t want to try, but your struggle is over 9000!

So, you either ask for free help or you pay for help. Neither of which makes you less or more independent because help is help. Help is you NOT doing it all by yourself. We need to get over being afraid of asking for help.

Solution: Admit you need help to people you trust and to those who have experience with your problems. They may be able to offer help and recommend solutions, products, or services to relieve you of some of your struggles.


pexels-photo-326642.jpeg

4. Fear.

I’m scared. You’re scared. We’re scared.

Fear is a natural emotion and it serves a purpose in dangerous situations. However, if we continue to operate in fear a number of problems arise that will sabotage just about anything. It will feed overthinking and feelings of inadequacy. Fear can cause you to fight, flight, or freeze. Living in fear will taint your relationships. It can make it hard to say “no” when we really mean NO. It’s an emotion that tricks you into thinking that your anxious thoughts are correct about your future.

Solution:  Do a ‘Fear Breakdown’.

A fear breakdown is something that I do to get to the heart of why I am fearful. It breaks apart the cluster of fear into bits more understandable and to be more quickly dissolvable by the truth.

Example:

Fear: I’m too afraid to go into acting. 

Why? Because I’m afraid I won’t be hired because of my color and size.

What will happen if I’m not hired? I will be extremely hurt.

Why? Because it’s been a big dream to be an actress since I was a young girl. If I don’t become an actress, I’ll be devastated.

Why? Because if I don’t become an actress, I’ll feel like I haven’t accomplished anything and I’ll be on my death bed wishing that I could have been an actress. I’ll be forced to spend my life wishing that I could do what I love to do and forced to watch people do what I love with every movie, show, and commercial I see. It will hurt.

  1. I fear to be on my death-bed and feeling like I would have missed out on a dream that’s been with me my whole life. I fear the pain and assume that it would be impossible to heal from. That’s not true. I’ve survived 100% of my worst moments. I’ll survive that too.
  2. It shows that I think that I’m not attractive enough to be seen with other actors and actresses that are thinner and lighter in complexion. That’s not true, there are more dark-skinned and curvy women on tv and in film. I can be one of them too.
  3. It also shows that it’s the only thing I assumed would make me an accomplished person. I have to recognize that this isn’t a fact. I have many accomplishments already. All of which I was fearful that I would fail at or miss the opportunity of having. Yet, here I am.

You may be fearful, but don’t bank on it. We fear losing money, losing our homes, looking and sounding foolish, and public humiliation. Most times what we fear won’t happen and if it does, we will survive that too AND we will succeed either way.

Tell me in the comments. 
Are any of these something that you do to yourself or have done?
What are your plans to overcome them?

Thanks for reading!

Take care!

Ebony/ CoilySue86

new-small-logo-3

How To Deal With 3 Types of Sabotage.

I want to discuss sabotage from outside sources, how to recognize them, and what to do when you see it.

Sabotage from others may come directly, passive-aggressively, or with no malicious intent at all. They may want to ruin your esteem, your day, your job, your education, your marriage, parenthood, etc just to make themselves more comfortable. They may not like what you do and how you do it or what you have and how you got it. Whatever it is about you, it makes them uncomfortable.

Photo by Bestbe Models on Pexels.com

Here are three examples of sabotage that I have experienced.

  • You Need A Ride Today? I’ll Show Up at Never O’Clock. It happened to me in college. I was trying to snag one of those holiday season jobs. The buses were really unreliable near campus and I had no car. I asked a neighbor girl (I thought we were cool) in my dorm to drop me off to a job interview. She said “yes” and I told her that I would be ready to leave a xx:00 pm. She left the dorm and never told me. Come to find out, she left for winter break early. She never told me she was leaving or that she changed her mind or anything.

In no way was obligated to take me to my interview. It was my responsibility to get there. However, it would have prevented me from being almost an hour late to my interview if she had just been upfront with me and I could have made other plans.

  • Trying to Eat Clean? Smell My Pizza! I love my spouse dearly, but he was/is good for this (gotten better, though). During the first 3 to 4 months of me starting my health journey, I was seeing a nutritionist and working out and I was trying to avoid eating so much fast food. I told him that I was trying to avoid certain foods. He later, would order pizza, buy ice cream sandwiches, and buy brownies. I would tell him that those foods a really tempting and it would help if they aren’t brought into the house. His reply, “No one is forcing you to eat it.”
Eat or Be Eaten! Avoid Sabotage.

He wasn’t wrong because no one can force me to eat something I don’t want to eat. However, I did and didn’t want to eat those things. I am a food addict trying to recover. Just like an alcoholic or a narcotics user, you don’t bring around and offer them what they are trying to stay sober from. Especially, if you want to see them get better.

  • Hey, My Big Friend! I Could Never Be You. I’ve mentioned this briefly in my depression video that I made two years back. I’ve had people who I thought were my friends talk about my weight negatively in a passive-aggressive way. I have one friend who used to say things like, “No offense, but I could never be big.” She would go on to describe her reasoning of how “big people”, to her seem to always be uncomfortable, have “big bellies”, are sweaty, and breathe hard.

As entitled to her opinion as she was, she also wasn’t aware how that made me feel low and devalued. It showed how she saw me and what came to mind when it’s time to describe what she didn’t like about me. She had said it several times before to others in the past but would turn to me and say “no offense” before declaring how she felt about the possibility of being my size. I was already self-conscious about my size and my self-esteem was really low, too low to even stick up for myself.

We happen to still be cool. Like, we see each other every once a year because of life mostly. Not so much now because I moved to another state, but the reason why is another blog post.

There are many other ways that people will try to sabotage your life.

A coworker that will claim your idea or work as their own.

There will be that one customer that will cuss and holler in hopes that you cave and give them what they want and ask for your manager in hopes that you will lose your position.

People who know you well will try to argue with you and say those trigger words and phrases to knock you off guard. They will try to get you so pissed that you will do something to jeopardize your freedom. You can just get up and walk away and never look back.

Most people genuinely don’t mean any harm, but they really don’t mean you any good. They don’t want good things to happen to you. As this one woman found out one day.

So, what can we do? We can’t avoid every single instance of sabotage, but we can become more aware.


3 Ways to Respond and Avoid Sabotage.
1. When Folks Don’t Come Through…
When you need a ride, babysitter, place to stay, etc find a way to create a plan B, C, D – Z. I know it’s harder when you suddenly are in need of those things but create a list of people you know you can count on. If the list is short or nonexistent, think of businesses that provide the help you need at the lowest price you can afford. Or create a stash just for those moments.
Avoid Sabotage By Having Another Plan
So, if you need a ride/ flight/ hotel, create a stash just for an Uber, a plane ticket, a car rental, an Air Bnb, etc. The same goes for childcare. Make sure you have made a list and a budget of daycare centers. Don’t be afraid of doing popcorn visits to daycare centers to see how they are when they aren’t prepared for new clients. Search out babysitters using Sittercity.com or Care.com and make a list and a budget just for their services.

2. When you’re trying to eat cleaner or stay sober…

First, it helps to not expect everyone to understand and comply with your health goals and how you plan to reach them. They won’t care like you care. They’ll claim they care, but if they aren’t trying to eat better, it will make their butts itch. It will aggravate them because they will have to make minor adjustments that will seem major to them. So, if you order out as much or don’t want to eat what they eat, they have to get what they want without you. Which means that you are no longer their eating buddy.

Some people can be avoided and you can move away from them and some you can not. One of the things that I used to do when my husband would order fast food, is to go into another room until he has finished eating and/or put the leftovers away. It helps to avoid being within an arms reach of what I want to avoid. Or when he buys cookies or brownies, I’ll put them in freezer bags and freeze them.

Or when someone invites me out to eat, I may or may not let them know how I’m trying to eat. However, I tend to look at the menus online to see if they have options that are better for me. If I happen to get tempted and want to eat a certain thing, I’ll order it and split it with a friend or ask the waiter to bring a box with my food and eat only a portion of my food. Then, I’ll box up the other half and eat it the next day or give it to my son or husband.

3. When you have a “friend” who inflicts the same wounds as an enemy…

There is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from people. There’s also nothing wrong with cutting yourself off from people. As I mentioned, there are people who don’t mean you well.

An herb that may be beneficial to one person, may poison another. Recognize how you feel after hanging around a person or a particular group of people. If you feel down and depressed after hanging around someone, it’s time to back away from them. Also, let them know their wrong. It’s very important to take up for yourself. That’s something that I wish I had done.

More resources on how to deal with a sabotuer.

9 Ways to Deal With Someone Who is Trying to Sabotage You.
How To Know If Someone Is Trying To Sabotage You.
7 Signs A Coworker Is Trying To Sabotage You.
Related Posts:

How have you recognized sabotage in your life?

Who did it come from?

What have you had to do to prevent even more sabotage?

Stay tuned for the next post about Self-Sabotage and How to Prevent It.

Take care!

Ebony/ CoilySue86/ EbonyGlassCo.

Follow me!

Facebook

Twitter

Instagram

YouTube

Ways to recognize avoid sabotage.

How to Increase Your Joy with These 7 Self Care Tips.

This is my first Self Care Saturday post. Yay!

I know that happiness is fleeting, but joy is internal. For the past three months, I’ve been doing what I can to practice self-care since my panic attack back in July 2016. My moments of unhappiness and depression outweighed my joyful moments. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be happy, but I truly lacked joy. I needed to take the necessary steps to increase my joy.

Since then, I’ve learned that all the missed opportunities to take care of myself, all the moments that I spoke ill of myself and to myself, all the moments I didn’t allow myself to mourn properly all added up to a complete meltdown. It was decades of built-up pressure.

So, no more of that crap! NO. MORE.

Related Post: 12 Tips for Holiday Self-Care in Memoriam: The Holidays, Mourning, & Self-Care.

Since this is the first post I thought I would post things that should never be skipped. The tips mentioned are basic and non-negotiable human needs. To meet them is to recognize yourself which is the first step to increasing your joy. If they are not, no need to kick your own butt about it. Just try your best the next day or the next weekend. The ultimate goal is to increase your peace and joy.

*~*Note: Some of these habits that I will write about now and in the future may seem way too simple to most. So simple that it is possible that these should have been a part of my home training growing up. Some were a part of my home training but my self-care deteriorated along with my esteem. Some habits were learned in my late teens and/or I am discovering now.

So, since this is a harsh judgment a.k.a snark-free zone and we weren’t all raised the same or share the same life experiences, I would hope that you all keep the comments kind, constructive, and nourishing. If that is way too difficult, keep the comments nonexistent. Mkay? Mkay.*~*

7 Basic Non-Negotiable Self-Care Tips. – EbonyGlassCo.com


Before we begin, click here to get your free 14-page journal; 3 Steps to Heal Yourself Journal.

HOW TO INCREASE YOUR JOY WITH THESE 7 SELF CARE METHODS.

I know this is called Self-Care Saturday, but I wanted to go over what can be done daily to preserve yourself. If done daily your self-care Saturday won’t seem so overwhelming or daunting to tackle.

1. Bathe at Least Once a Day. A task so simple for most may be difficult for someone who has lost themselves. A part of getting back to yourself is keeping your body clean. This is important to avoid not only smelling but avoid yeast/ fungal infections on the creases and folds of the body. It’s also important to keep the skin clean and wash away body oil build-up that causes acne.

You can create a happy and joyful moment just by bathing. It’s refreshing to the skin and to the body to feel the warm water and the massaging your entire body with a bar of soap, a loofah, washcloth, or just your hands and your favorite soap or body wash.
So, whether it’s in the shower, the bathtub, or a birdbath at the sink. Wash your body.
I recommend trying some of my favorite eco-friendly soaps, body washes, and body scrubs.
My current favorite body wash:

undefined
Bath At Least Once a Day With Your Favorite Body Wash!

2. Brush Your Teeth Twice a Day. Brushing your teeth keeps your teeth clean, white or off-white, reduces gum disease, cavities, and other oral health problems. Also, if your teeth aren’t healthy, you may have difficulty eating and drinking. Which in turn depletes your energy and stamina.

3. Eat at Least Three Meals. Skipping meals, unless you’re fasting, is bad on the body. It throws off your endocrine system. Your endocrine system is “…the collection of glands that produce hormones that regulate metabolism, growth and development, tissue function, sexual function, reproduction, sleep, and mood, among other things.” – Live Science

There’s also joy in eating. People like to say that we eat to live and not live to eat, but I think we have a tongue that tastes for a reason. It’s possible to enjoy eating healthy and tasty meals at the same time.

Consider subscribing to these meal plans or services to help you eat well when you don’t know what else to do.
Grocery Delivery:
Instacart
Walmart Grocery
Amazon Prime Now

Thrive Market
Hello Fresh
Takeout/ Delivery:
DoorDash

Photo by Ella Olsson on Pexels.com
Eat at Least Three Meals. 7 Effective Non-Negotiable Self-Care Tips! Self-Care 101.

Neglecting your hunger will exacerbate mental and physical illnesses because it will inhibit any healing that is to take place during any moments of self-care. So, when you are trying to work out or go for a walk, you may burn out quicker than you would if you had a healthy meal or snack beforehand. It will also disturb sleep. If you are a menstruating woman, it will make your periods and ovulation irregular.

So, attempt to eat more wholesome foods. Food that has ingredients you can read or are very simple to make at home. Even when you don’t feel like eating, at least drink a smoothie or eat a protein and fiber-rich snack.

*Note: Beware of what you eat. Avoid your allergens. If you are unsure of what you may be allergic to, pay attention to how you feel mentally and physically for a from about 15 minutes to as much as a few days after eating fast food, nuts, dairy, eggs, candy, cakes, and pies. Certain foods may become toxic to your brain and may not show symptoms in the body. Or you may be accustomed to these symptoms and not realize that they are not good for you.

Related post: 3 Steps to Begin Healing Your Whole Self Instantly!

4. Drink Water/ Healthy Liquids at Least 3 Times a Day. Water or water-rich fruits and vegetables will prevent symptoms of dehydration. These symptoms can exacerbate mental illness, sadness, confusion, and feelings of hopelessness. Hopelessness and joy do not mix. For me, I get a lot of headaches when I don’t get enough water in my body. Most of which seem to be tension headaches.

Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com
Drinking water is a part of self-care.

Attempt to drink 8 oz of water or tea every other hour to start and you would have drunk 56 oz in 12 hours. Or if you drink 8 oz every hour you would have drunk 96 oz in 12 hours.

5. Sleep/ Naps. I don’t know about you, but when I lose sleep I.Am.Not.Okay. If I am woken up suddenly, my heart races, my stomach gets upset, and I’ll have a full-blown attitude that may last until I go back to bed. Lack of sleep can make us more emotional, confused, and short-tempered. It can also raise blood pressure and increase your chances of heart disease.

Related Post: The WAHM’s Guide to Getting a Good Night’s Sleep. 8 Tips to Get the Rest You Deserve.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com
Avoid Sleep Deprivation.

I use this site here to help me determine how many sleep cycles I can get in whatever time I have to sleep.

6. Laugh and Smile. I’m just going to put this plainly. Go to YouTube and find some funny fails, funny cats, or watch videos by Kev On Stage or AphricanAce. I promise you will feel just a little bit better.

You can also call one of your funniest friends, play with your children, and just get downright silly with them. Go see a comedy film or play at the theater.

There are no lies when it is said that laughter is the best medicine. It releases endorphins, reduces stress, eases anxiety, and tension.

7. Pray & Meditate. To recognize that you are a spiritual being with spiritual needs is a step toward healing and taking care of yourself. I say this because our spirit, mind, and body are all connected. When one is off, the others can be affected and will begin a cycle of pain and doubt.

The prayer and meditation I speak of are to go to a quiet space and talk to God and meditate on what His word has to say about joy and about your circumstances. Without even opening your mouth, you can communicate with Him. Sometimes, the words don’t come to us or we become silent in our speech. But He can hear us anyway when we talk to Him in our mind. And we can hear Him and read His instructions and love letters to us.

Repeat to yourself the truths He mentions about how much He cares for us when we feel anxious (1 Peter 5:57). It will help soothe our wounds and repel harmful chatter in our minds. It will also condition us to hear Him more loudly and frequently.
Also, search out verses that speak about joy.

Did I forget any self-care basics? Which ones stood out to you? How to you increase and maintain joy in your life?

I hope to post self-care tips, ideas, moments, etc at least twice a month. So, follow my blog to stay tuned.

Thanks for reading!

Ebony/ CoilySue86

Sources:

Endocrine System:

http://www.livescience.com/26496-endocrine-system.html

Dehydration:

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/dehydration-adults#1-3

http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/6-conditions-that-feel-like-depression-but-arent/

http://www.freedrinkingwater.com/water-education3/21-water-and-depression-stress-anxiety.htm

Laughter:

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/emotional-health/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.htm

Sleep:

https://sleep.org/articles/how-long-to-nap/

Follow Me!
error: Content is protected !!
%d bloggers like this: