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4 Ways You’re Sabotaging Yourself! Self-Care Saturday.

Hey! Happy New Year!

This is the time we will start seeing the Twitter and Facebook posts with folks saying, “New Year, New Me!” [insert eye roll here] Then, there is an increase in gym membership sales across the country as people attempt to change and refresh themselves as we go into the new year.

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There’s nothing wrong with wanting to change yourself. However, that all starts in the mind with the renewing of your mind.

Are you sabotaging yourself?

I’ve written previously about sabotage from outside sources, but most of the sabotage we face in life comes from ourselves.

We want success so bad and we want to succeed at everything we do. We have hopes and dreams and we write them all down and just leave them there. Or we get started and quit within weeks.

We can be our biggest obstacle to overcome. I’m not going to smack you with the “you need to stop making excuses” line because that doesn’t break down what needs to be done or what we need to stop doing. It doesn’t allow one to do a self-assessment and it only makes room to be down on yourself.

So, you ask “How would I sabotage myself if I want to be successful so bad?”

Well, it’s all about what we don’t recognize that we do. It’s the habits that are a societal norm that slows us down or bring us to a complete halt.

Related Post: Practice Patience While Goal-Setting. 

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Photo courtesy of Pexels.com.

Here are the 4 ways you are sabotaging yourself every day.

1. Distractions and Time Wasters.

The right thing (or not so bad thing) at the wrong time is the wrong thing. Social media, YouTube videos, mobile, and console games, etc all are cool up until you’ve lost track of time and are late for work or have missed pilates at the gym. Or until it makes you forget what you were supposed to for that blog post, school project, or audition for the third time this week.

There’s nothing wrong with social media because they keep us informed and games keep us entertained. However, it can make us forget all that is necessary to remember, respond to, and complete.

 

Click here! It’s legit. I shop with them.

Before we continue, click here to get your free 14-page journal; 3 Steps to Heal Yourself Journal.

Social media is a trigger for many to constantly compare ourselves to someone else. Personally, I find myself comparing my home, my body, my motherhood, my marriage, and my career to others whom I have never met, but have assumed their lives are better than mine.

Social media is also notorious for sharing horrific news (real or fake) and they can disturb your mood and your sleep. Also, lack of sleep can make it more difficult to wake up and be on time for work or school as well.

Solution: Pick certain times of the day or week to scroll through social media or play games and stick to them. The best times are during lunch or after work before dinner and on your days off when you’re not busy.

Try skipping scrolling and playing games before bed. Unless your projects are social media related, don’t scroll until you get done with homework.

Stop comparing your life to others. You can succeed like many others in just about everything you do. However, your success isn’t supposed to look like anyone else’s.

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Photo courtesy of pexels.com

2. Overthinking/ Feeling Inadequate.

It’s an easy thing to do when you are the type that wants to do everything, but feel like you don’t have enough time and the nothing you have is good enough to start the process. The time isn’t right. The space you have isn’t right. You aren’t right or good enough or perfect. This usually stems from playing the comparison game. We compare ourselves and what we have to others.

Granted some thoughts make sense to have. For example, you want to start a YouTube channel. You look in the description box and begin to take note of what camera and editing software your favorite YouTubers use to create the videos you love. Then, you notice that they use a camera that costs over $800, lights that cost over $60, editing software that costs over $200, and then there is the cost of what you want to show on your channel. (Hair products, makeup, clothes, shoes, etc)

You think, “Holy crap! I can’t afford any of that! Now, what will I do?” You being to think that you have to have thousands of dollars to start a YouTube channel. Since you don’t have it and don’t know when you will, you begin to feel down and hopeless.

Solution: First, know that the situation isn’t hopeless and thousands of dollars aren’t needed to start a YouTube channel or to start anything for that matter. Take note of the things that you are able to afford. If there isn’t much, then use what you have until you can afford it.

Stop comparing yourself to people who have been in the game for many years. You’re probably comparing yourself to them in their prime. If you go to someone and ask them to show you pictures or videos of how things were when they first started, it would probably look exactly the same as it does for you right now. Basic, boring, cheap, and everything we think it shouldn’t be. When you build something from the ground up, there will be dust. Accept that!

Personal Tips:

  • Every smartphone has a camera and you can find boxes or books to prop it up. If you have a little cash to your name, say like $25. you can invest in a tripod for phones.
  • You want to eat better and begin working out? Most insurance companies pay for visits to the nutritionist and doing workouts at home via YouTube is free. I’ll write more about how that has actually worked out for me.
  • You want a more organized house? Pick one room in your house to work on for the week. I recommend starting with the room with the least traffic. Work in that room for about one hour a day. If you want to do longer, it’s up to you. Ask for help from a friend to help you organize your home. Two pairs of hands are better than one.

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3. Trying to be 100% Independent.

Yep! I said it.

There is no such thing as being completely independent of anyone. Period!

We like to admit that we’re independent of the ones we don’t want help from. However, I understand why people try to be “independent” of needing the help of others. We get too proud to ask for help and don’t want to deal with being let down or mistreated while being in need. In fact, the latter feeds the previous.

You don’t want people to think that you are a bum and a moocher who doesn’t want to try, but your struggle is over 9000!

So, you either ask for free help or you pay for help. Neither of which makes you less or more independent because help is help. Help is you NOT doing it all by yourself. We need to get over being afraid of asking for help.

Solution: Admit you need help to people you trust and to those who have experience with your problems. They may be able to offer help and recommend solutions, products, or services to relieve you of some of your struggles.


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4. Fear.

I’m scared. You’re scared. We’re scared.

Fear is a natural emotion and it serves a purpose in dangerous situations. However, if we continue to operate in fear a number of problems arise that will sabotage just about anything. It will feed overthinking and feelings of inadequacy. Fear can cause you to fight, flight, or freeze. Living in fear will taint your relationships. It can make it hard to say “no” when we really mean NO. It’s an emotion that tricks you into thinking that your anxious thoughts are correct about your future.

Solution:  Do a ‘Fear Breakdown’.

A fear breakdown is something that I do to get to the heart of why I am fearful. It breaks apart the cluster of fear into bits more understandable and to be more quickly dissolvable by the truth.

Example:

Fear: I’m too afraid to go into acting. 

Why? Because I’m afraid I won’t be hired because of my color and size.

What will happen if I’m not hired? I will be extremely hurt.

Why? Because it’s been a big dream to be an actress since I was a young girl. If I don’t become an actress, I’ll be devastated.

Why? Because if I don’t become an actress, I’ll feel like I haven’t accomplished anything and I’ll be on my death bed wishing that I could have been an actress. I’ll be forced to spend my life wishing that I could do what I love to do and forced to watch people do what I love with every movie, show, and commercial I see. It will hurt.

  1. I fear to be on my death-bed and feeling like I would have missed out on a dream that’s been with me my whole life. I fear the pain and assume that it would be impossible to heal from. That’s not true. I’ve survived 100% of my worst moments. I’ll survive that too.
  2. It shows that I think that I’m not attractive enough to be seen with other actors and actresses that are thinner and lighter in complexion. That’s not true, there are more dark-skinned and curvy women on tv and in film. I can be one of them too.
  3. It also shows that it’s the only thing I assumed would make me an accomplished person. I have to recognize that this isn’t a fact. I have many accomplishments already. All of which I was fearful that I would fail at or miss the opportunity of having. Yet, here I am.

You may be fearful, but don’t bank on it. We fear losing money, losing our homes, looking and sounding foolish, and public humiliation. Most times what we fear won’t happen and if it does, we will survive that too AND we will succeed either way.

Tell me in the comments. 
Are any of these something that you do to yourself or have done?
What are your plans to overcome them?

Thanks for reading!

Take care!

Ebony/ CoilySue86

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Are We Obligated to Buy Black? My Response to Harsh Criticism Toward a Fellow YouTuber.

Hey, Everyone! I’m glad you paid a visit to my site. 😀

Are we obligated to buy black only? I buy black, but not all the time. I’m going to tell you why I asked.

So, couple nights ago I was up late catching up on my favorite YouTube channels and I clicked on Naptural85’s latest video on the Pantene Gold Series line. She did a great job reviewing the product like she normal does for product reviews and D.I.Y.s.
Watch the video here.
Yes, I am a fan of her’s, but not a Stan! Meaning, I am not one to think that she can do no wrong and I don’t agree or like everything she does. But in my head, she is a sister from another mister.
Usually, when I like a review, demo, vlog, etc. I may skip reading the comments because folks like to troll HARD! Yet, I read through the comments and I can’t remember why. Maybe I was going to leave a comment or question about the product… I don’t know because I got really distracted by comments like these.

“Pantene is hiring Blacks but it is not Black-owned. Of course they are not stupid, they know where the money is going to come from. Please support Black-owned companies. Keep the profits in the community!”

“sick and tired of whites profiting off of us. With all that’s going on in this world, I refuse to allow that to happen with MY money. Pantene doesn’t give a damn about any of us. They’re just trying to make a dollar. I will only support those who have a real interest in me and my people.”

” Sponsored products always get rave reviews, even though many people who use it don’t have the same result!”

“Love you Whit, but I support Black owned as much as I can. Pantene is white own and they see profit in including Black people..they’re not stupid, so I kind of ignore your tutorial sorry. Then again…Panteen got the big bucks and since your family is expanding maybe it’s not about Black but about green. I know your life long dream is owing a home and Boston is very expensive. This makes sense. Pantene has the big bucks for sponsorship, you do you.its about your family and your financial situation.”

What the hell?! Who are these people?!

That last comment is from Satan. That woman let Satan use her to be messy. I’m not playing when I say that either. She hit on VERY personal points of Whitney’s life and tried to make her feel guilty for doing what everyone else in the world does and that is whatever the hell they want. You don’t come at someone and mention their body, family, home, and money. That is one of the many things Satan does to bring us to crumble in defeat. Just pointing out who the real enemy is and no, it’s not that woman.

Everyone does whatever they want. Unless you are a newborn baby or have a disability, whatever you twitch your muscles to do is in your control to do. Period.

Yet, I respect some of the concerns that most white-owned companies don’t care about us and we should support our own people. White-owned companies are jumping on the fact that many of us have returned to our hair to its natural state because they are losing money from the fact that we no longer buy their relaxers or other products that cause more damage to our hair. They were the ones who lied and convinced us that our hair isn’t normal or manageable.

White-owned companies not caring about us is nothing new! Why are we acting like that’s a new thing? Did we think they cared about us when they we selling us relaxers? Flat irons? Teaching our children in their schools? Creating food deserts in our community causing us to heavily rely on their McDonald’s, Rally’s/ Checkers, and Burger King?

Anyway, my responses below shows a better light on how I feel about these comments and the notion of an obligation to buy only black-owned.

Mobile screenshots below.

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Apparently, I watch too much WWE with my husband and read the original comment in my Steve Austin voice.

There are more comments that follow my statements. Feel free to visit the video’s comment section and find my following responses.

I also, don’t care if the video was sponsored. I’m not going to get on a virtual soapbox and mention every unnatural, unsponsored or sponsored, and non-black-owned products that Whitney has featured on her channel. But they can be found if you search for them.

She COULD feature only black-owned hair care products on her channel and the same goes for me and my channel, but how honest would that be if that is not what we do in real life?

Why are people expecting YouTubers do create videos for free when you don’t do what you do for free? And millions of people watch YouTube videos all day long and the revenue from those ads are literally pennies compared to the work that goes into creating content that is pushed out daily for viewers. Creating high-quality (or even low-quality. Ahem!) YouTube videos frequently isn’t cheap or easy. This is coming from someone who is just getting close to 500 subscribers after I started almost two years ago.

Now, mind you I would have said the same thing if it were anyone else’s channel because I am strongly tired of some people acting like that there is an obligation to buy ONLY from black-owned companies. No one should feel so pressured to buy or even demo products and services JUST because they are black-owned. That’s like saying, I’m obligated to buy from companies ran by women because I am a woman. No! I buy what works, what fits, what costs less, what makes me feel better, what fits my values, from companies who show women that look like me, and what I like!

Every product or service that is black-owned won’t be to our liking and we aren’t obligated to keep spending money on things we don’t like. That’s wasteful.

If you want everything you use to be black-owned, there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ll be behind you. However, until you can find everything you want to use that is black-owned, keep using whatever the hell you want.

To me, the first step to acting like a free black woman is to realize that I am free to do what I please with what and whom I please and I shouldn’t be treated as if my “black card” is real and attached to how I spend my money… or lack thereof.

So, if we are obligated to buy black-owned everything? Then, we should be earning black-owned money, right?

Thanks so much for reading. Please subscribe to stay updated on posts that are coming out. I recently purchased some products that are black-owned and I will be doing an honest first impression with those products.

Please, leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Take care!

~Ebony/ CoilySue86

It's Never Too Late to Live: Self-Care Saturday.

 

First, I would like to say, Happy New Year!

It’s been over a month since the last self-care Saturday post and I thought that I would get this one out to you just in time for the new year. The new year is the moment in our mental calendar that signals a fresh start and possibilities for better things. Yet, every moment is a brand new piece of time that we can start anew.

Every moment that we are alive and have air in our lungs, there is a new moment of hope. Every day is filled with new grace and mercies. Every day we have just enough strength and resources to stay alive and get certain things done. Every single day.

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With that in mind, we can count on the fact that it’s never too late for anything we need or want to do in life.

Affirmations to Live By:

  • It’s never too late to start that blog, business, investment.
  • It’s never too late to start a family, friendship, relationship.
  • It’s never too late to get to know myself, my spouse, my children.
  • It’s never too late to know God and my spiritual self.
  • It’s never too late to start speaking up and being an advocate for myself and others.
  • It’s never too late to take care of myself and every aspect of myself.

Just because you feel like time has been wasted that doesn’t mean more time has to slip away. You are still here and everything about you matters. Although, society does praise our youth for accomplishing so much in so little time. However, that’s not us.Never Too Late To Live.jpg

All those self-care basics I wrote about, it’s not too late for those either. You could be going on 60 years old; thinking that “It’s a shame! I shoulda been doing this. It’s too late now…” and I would tell you that you couldn’t be any more wrong. To think “It’s too late” are words that self-defeat. They bring you down before you can even get started or make it to completion. They show that you are comparing yourself to someone who is younger and doing what you’ve always wanted to do and need to do.

Even when it seems scary, it’s not impossible. Just because the wall seems too big to climb, that doesn’t mean there’s no way to get over it or around it.

Speak those affirmations to yourself in areas where you see fit. Then, find ways to make it happen, even if you have to create the opportunity yourself. Don’t focus on how long it might take because we can’t rush progress.

Wonderful Examples:

There is an 88-year-old woman by the name of Ernestine Shepherd who started bodybuilding “late” in her mid 50’s. There’s another woman by the name of Ida Keeling who set a world record at the Penn Relay and she is 100 years old. Mother Cicely Tyson, even though she started her career young, she is still acting at the age of 92 years well-aged. These three women, among many others, remind me that it’s never too late. I can be great like them. I will be great like them. And so will you.

In what areas do you feel that it may be “too late” to try and do?

Are you young like me, but feel too old to succeed?

Do you feel like there are just too many obstacles in your way? What do you do about that?

 

Thanks for visiting!

Ebony/ CoilySue86

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