New Years is the perfect time to reset and reflect on your plans progress. It’s a great time to set new goals. But numbers and history don’t lie. Most people don’t even take action towards their goals for more than a few weeks. Then it’s back to where they started. I want to help change that. Here is a holistic approach to goal setting that will help you stay on track and complete your goals!
1. Figure out the different areas of importance in your life.
All of them are equally important and if we want to think in a holistic way, we can’t focus on creating success in just one area of life. You have to find balance.
There is one exception from that rule though-if you feel like you have been neglecting one area of your life, go and fix that part first. For example, if you are in debt- try to fix it first. Still, this does not give you the green light to eat unhealthy food and stop working on other areas of your life. It just means that most of your efforts and goal setting should be focused on fixing what needs to be fixed first, so you can focus on other things later. Otherwise, you won’t be able to create progress with other things.
2. Write goals that are aligned with your passions and vision for life.
Think of something that excites you. Think of activities you enjoy. There is no point in forcing yourself to do something just for the sake of doing it. Your goals should serve you like a map to get you closer to your vision.
3. Attract and attach yourself to your goals.
Say and write all your goals in the present tense and express gratitude. This is important!
4. Take Action
Take meaningful and purposeful action, if you are not too sure what to do, or you feel you are not on the right track, step back, re-define your vision or change it, re-align yourself moving forward and start again.
5. Write your goals down on paper.
Go old school! By writing your goals down, you set yourself up for success. You are more prepared to deal with bad days and difficult moments. I believe that working on my body, mind, and soul, guarantees holistic balance and success. Try to center your goals in those categories. You are the creator of your life. Don’t overdo your goals lists. Less is better.
After that, I decide what the major steps are to complete my goals and I divide them into quarterly tasks. Then, on a monthly basis, I divide them into weekly and daily tasks and goals, and I also have a clear vision for my life, going through the process of “New Year’s Resolutions” is just like creating the next step for myself. I go through my regular process. It’s about building a habit and making it apart of your daily routine.
Finally, make copies of your goals and put them in major traffic areas such as the bathroom, your bedside table, on the refrigerator, and your steering wheel. Keep them visible, so they are always on the forefront of your mind.
New years eve is approaching swiftly and we need something to wear.
Not going out? Me either. I’m staying in.
I’m not really a party person. A party involves being around people you will grow tired of quickly. It involves getting dressed up to be cute, but quickly become uncomfortable after one hour when there are 3 hours left until the countdown.
So, like a true minimalist, I stay home and watch New Year’s Rockin Eve with my husband and son. That’s all I need…well sorta.
New Year’s Eve is a great time to get comfortable, eat snacks, and have a relaxing time.
If you don’t know where to start, let me help you. Friend to friend, sister to sister here’s my step by step guide to a New Years Eve Night In featuring items from Simply Be, Asos Curve, and Thrive Market.
If you’re not a DIYs person, I personally recommend these products by Acure Organics. I’ve tried other products from other brands, but no one really does it for me like Acure. Yes, I’m brand loyal. Just sayin! Not sponsored, though!
**A throwback post I have previously written for another blog over a year ago. Originally written 11/17/2016**
This will be the fourth holiday season without my mom. This is the fourth year I prepare the food she taught me how to cook. The fourth time I wish I could call her for some tips because I still feel like I am “mixing it wrong”. Even though it always turns out just like hers or very close to it. I miss her and it makes it very hard to enjoy the holidays without her. At times, I get sad and angry. Or I may feel nothing. Within all the memories, the good is mixed in with the bad. Good holiday moments and bad holiday moments. I won’t mention all the memories but dealing with them hasn’t been easy this year.
Since my last mental health-related post (here), I have been newly diagnosed with PTSD and recurring depression while getting treatment after having a panic attack and injuring myself. The day that it happened was July 24, 2016. That day would have been my mother’s 70th birthday. I thought I was okay most of the day. I didn’t cry or feel sad.
I don’t recall even thinking about her a whole lot either. But that day, a family member posted on Facebook a picture of her at her old job, wearing a very familiar wig and a pair of glasses, and she was smiling her beautiful smile that I miss so much. Unfortunately, seeing the picture lit the fuse to a lot of negative emotions that were piled high like sticks of dynamite. Without going into too much detail, I lost it. I was throwing dishes and I injured myself on my wrist. I spent the night in the emergency room and voluntarily spent just under a week at a local psychiatric crisis facility.
I don’t want myself or anyone else to go through what I went through. I want to help ease the angst the holidays can bring to those still in mourning. I’m not a professional counselor, therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist, but I do believe in bearing one another’s burdens for the sake of making them a little lighter.
Ever since my mother’s passing, the months of February, July, November, and December have been tough. February is my birth month. July is her birth month and the same month she passed, 4 days after her 66th birthday to be exact. November and December are, of course, the holiday months’ families get together.
For you, it may just be the holiday season, but whatever time of the year it is, it’s okay to acknowledge that they aren’t here anymore and that you miss them. It’s okay to cry or not cry. It’s okay to want to skip the holidays with family, but try not to. My next point will explain why.
All Too Familiar Faces, Sights, & Sounds = Triggers!
It’s hard to see and hear from family members who will remind you of your lost loved one in some way. They may speak of them because they miss them too. You may remind them of the one who is gone because you could have been raised by them, look like them, talk like them, etc. You may have a family member or two that look like your loved one, sound like them, etc.
In my case, my aunts and uncles may do or say something that will remind me of her. One of my aunt’s voice sounds just like her, except she speaks a little slower. Also, the older I get, the more I begin to look like my mother. My young son also looks a lot like her too.
Then, there are the family members that will remind you of what was wrong with the loved ones that are gone or what went wrong while your loved one was alive. Those are very hurtful and draining moments. Whether they’re truthful comments or not, we aren’t obligated to deal with any of it.
There is also the music, there are shows, and movies that were their favorite and they heavily remind you of them. You hear their voice, their laughter, you see their smile, and you want it all back.
Holiday Milestone Plan of Action:
I’ve concluded that every milestone after my mother’s passing shouldn’t be ignored anymore. No more pretending I’m fine. Even when I don’t feel sad, I should still do a little extra to make sure I am still intact mentally and physically. The very thought of a lost loved one is a trigger.
It’s important to find or create ways to continue mourning in a healthy way because the stages of grief have no special order, no expiration date, and they may reappear. I understand that every person is different in how we deal with missing someone, but I would like to share 12 different ways that we can make sure we remain whole during this holiday season and the others to come. I believe that the piled sticks of dynamite can be diffused days or weeks before the holidays come around.
**Just to let you know, I may mention some spiritual/religious things. Please know that I am not trying to offend or force anything on anyone. They are just some ideas and I will be exercising with you and will try to share the results on my blog.**
Make sure your basic needs are being met. Your basic needs are non-negotiable. Do not skip meals and water, bathing, sleep, and trips to the bathroom during this time or at all. Making sure you are well-fed, rested, clean, and refreshed will help to keep up your resilience during some of the most draining moments of the year. So, even if you are the holiday host this year, don’t neglect yourself for anyone. Have a shower or soak in the tub while the turkey is roasting. Ask someone to come over to help you cook or have them bring something already made.
Journal your good memories of your loved one. Decorate the journal and make special doodles in it that relate to him or her. Make that one specifically for the holidays and keep it in a private place for the next milestone.
Keep a box of tissues near for when you feel like crying. An empty room and a thick pillow are awesome for when you feel like screaming.
If you are lacking emotions but still want to keep yourself whole, do something that day that will make you feel good. Take the day off work or do a half-day, go to a movie, have a snowball fight, jumping on trampolines, visit an old friend, look for free or darn-near-free stuff to do on Groupon, etc.
Write down all the movies, shows, and songs you’ve enjoyed together. Make a playlist, Netflix list, or Redbox Rental list and plan to listen or watch them this year. If you don’t remember what they liked, pick something you think they would.
Write a letter to them or to God about how much you miss them. Pour your heart out about the good and the bad about them. Say what you’ve always wanted to say. Update them on what’s been going on since they’ve left. Write a letter of forgiveness, if needed. Some of the loved ones we miss have hurt us and it’s time to work on letting it go.
When the words escape you, look up bible verses or in memoriam quotes about mourning, sadness, family, and forgiveness. Then write them down in your journal.
Wear their favorite color during the milestones. My mom’s favorite color was blue.
Avoid storing those clapbacks in your mind. The bag of clapbacks can be heavy during a sensitive time. When the family gets disrespectful, attempt to drain your energy, and try to bring up the past about your lost loved one, either walk away, walk completely out, or shut it down and let them know that they are being rude and it’s not the time or place to bring up some mess. Then, say nothing else to them about it.
Briefly share good memories about your lost loved one to your children, friends, or partners who may not have met them or have known them well. Share photos and share advice they used to give to you with others.
Attempt to talk about how you feel (or don’t feel) with a licensed counselor. They are skilled professionals who may be able to give you tips on how to cope in a healthy way during the holidays.
Start a new holiday tradition in their honor. It can be anything. It can be a combination of any of these tips. Try attending a play or an orchestra concert wearing their favorite color and afterward eat some of their favorite snacks. Or visit their gravesite and leave flowers in their favorite color or a color that represents how they left. For example, my mother passed of a cardiac arrest. Therefore, I would wear red or leave red flowers and ribbons for women’s heart health.
There is no wrong way to take care of yourself and there’s no wrong way to mourn if you are not harming yourself and others. And no matter you much you miss them and want them back or to be in heaven where they are, it’s imperative that you are safe and healthy while still on this earth.
Your existence is important. I’m telling you what I have told myself and I wouldn’t tell you if I didn’t believe it and practice it.
I had an awesome mother. I miss her so much and because I miss her, the importance of my self-care is even higher. I know that she wouldn’t want me to neglect myself. Self-neglect isn’t an option because self-neglect is the loss of oneself. Except, the body is still present. Especially, when I have my husband, my son, my family, and friends who love me. I wouldn’t want to force them to mourn my loss whether I am alive or with the Lord.
Please let me know what self-care tips you have for the holidays. How do you celebrate the life that was once here?
I have to confess that I had a hard time writing this post because I kept getting distracted by all the cute items this designer has created for her store. I just couldn’t stop browsing the store.
Who is Aakasha?
Aakasha is a Bulgarian designer with garments that are classy, comfy, fun, and unique enough to wear day or night. Although all of the models photographed are straight-sized, she seems to get that everyone would love to feel beautiful and comfortable in her designs and for that, she has my respect and will soon be getting all my money.
She also has an Etsy store with over 4,000 followers and almost 61,000 sales on Etsy since 2012. She has hundreds of high-quality items for sale and she has all sizes ranging from XS to 3XL or 4XL on Etsy and goes up to 8 XL on the Aakasha website.
One of the designs that seem to catch my eye every single time I see it on Etsy or Pinterest is this black coat with the oversized hood.
What’s so great about this coat?!
It has a large hood.
It has extra long sleeves with thumb-holes! Eeeek!
It goes up to a 3 XL.
This coat is made by a designer that has hundreds of positive and thorough five-star reviews.
Details per on the Etsy Store:
Gorgeous Hooded Black Quilted Coat / Extra Long sleeves
Thumb Holes / Cotton Lined Inside
Extravagant and Unique Black Asymmetrical Coat
With double-sided zipper and large pocket, one inside zipper pocket
The outer part: cotton fleece
The lining: viscose
YKK double-sided zipper
Everyone! I introduce to you the Asymmetric Extravagant Black Hooded Coat by Aakasha.
Isn’t she giving you Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice) vibes with those glasses and the “werk” face?!
This coat can’t seem to do any wrong. I am smitten! I can’t wait to get my hands on this one. And once I do, keep watch for my post with me in it.
I would wear this coat with all black everything. Black denim, a black long sleeve t-shirt, and black heeled boots. Yes, I would!
I want to discuss sabotage from outside sources, how to recognize them, and what to do when you see it.
Sabotage from others may come directly, passive-aggressively, or with no malicious intent at all. They may want to ruin your esteem, your day, your job, your education, your marriage, parenthood, etc just to make themselves more comfortable. They may not like what you do and how you do it or what you have and how you got it. Whatever it is about you, it makes them uncomfortable.
Here are three examples of sabotage that I have experienced.
You Need A Ride Today? I’ll Show Up at Never O’Clock. It happened to me in college. I was trying to snag one of those holiday season jobs. The buses were really unreliable near campus and I had no car. I asked a neighbor girl (I thought we were cool) in my dorm to drop me off to a job interview. She said “yes” and I told her that I would be ready to leave a xx:00 pm. She left the dorm and never told me. Come to find out, she left for winter break early. She never told me she was leaving or that she changed her mind or anything.
In no way was obligated to take me to my interview. It was my responsibility to get there. However, it would have prevented me from being almost an hour late to my interview if she had just been upfront with me and I could have made other plans.
Trying to Eat Clean? Smell My Pizza! I love my spouse dearly, but he was/is good for this (gotten better, though). During the first 3 to 4 months of me starting my health journey, I was seeing a nutritionist and working out and I was trying to avoid eating so much fast food. I told him that I was trying to avoid certain foods. He later, would order pizza, buy ice cream sandwiches, and buy brownies. I would tell him that those foods a really tempting and it would help if they aren’t brought into the house. His reply, “No one is forcing you to eat it.”
He wasn’t wrong because no one can force me to eat something I don’t want to eat. However, I did and didn’t want to eat those things. I am a food addict trying to recover. Just like an alcoholic or a narcotics user, you don’t bring around and offer them what they are trying to stay sober from. Especially, if you want to see them get better.
Hey, My Big Friend! I Could Never Be You. I’ve mentioned this briefly in my depression video that I made two years back. I’ve had people who I thought were my friends talk about my weight negatively in a passive-aggressive way. I have one friend who used to say things like, “No offense, but I could never be big.” She would go on to describe her reasoning of how “big people”, to her seem to always be uncomfortable, have “big bellies”, are sweaty, and breathe hard.
As entitled to her opinion as she was, she also wasn’t aware how that made me feel low and devalued. It showed how she saw me and what came to mind when it’s time to describe what she didn’t like about me. She had said it several times before to others in the past but would turn to me and say “no offense” before declaring how she felt about the possibility of being my size. I was already self-conscious about my size and my self-esteem was really low, too low to even stick up for myself.
We happen to still be cool. Like, we see each other every once a year because of life mostly. Not so much now because I moved to another state, but the reason why is another blog post.
There are many other ways that people will try to sabotage your life.
A coworker that will claim your idea or work as their own.
There will be that one customer that will cuss and holler in hopes that you cave and give them what they want and ask for your manager in hopes that you will lose your position.
People who know you well will try to argue with you and say those trigger words and phrases to knock you off guard. They will try to get you so pissed that you will do something to jeopardize your freedom. You can just get up and walk away and never look back.
Most people genuinely don’t mean any harm, but they really don’t mean you any good. They don’t want good things to happen to you. As this one woman found out one day.
So, what can we do? We can’t avoid every single instance of sabotage, but we can become more aware.
3 Ways to Respond and Avoid Sabotage.
1. When Folks Don’t Come Through…
When you need a ride, babysitter, place to stay, etc find a way to create a plan B, C, D – Z. I know it’s harder when you suddenly are in need of those things but create a list of people you know you can count on. If the list is short or nonexistent, think of businesses that provide the help you need at the lowest price you can afford. Or create a stash just for those moments.
So, if you need a ride/ flight/ hotel, create a stash just for an Uber, a plane ticket, a car rental, an Air Bnb, etc. The same goes for childcare. Make sure you have made a list and a budget of daycare centers. Don’t be afraid of doing popcorn visits to daycare centers to see how they are when they aren’t prepared for new clients. Search out babysitters using Sittercity.com or Care.com and make a list and a budget just for their services.
2. When you’re trying to eat cleaner or stay sober…
First, it helps to not expect everyone to understand and comply with your health goals and how you plan to reach them. They won’t care like you care. They’ll claim they care, but if they aren’t trying to eat better, it will make their butts itch. It will aggravate them because they will have to make minor adjustments that will seem major to them. So, if you order out as much or don’t want to eat what they eat, they have to get what they want without you. Which means that you are no longer their eating buddy.
Some people can be avoided and you can move away from them and some you can not. One of the things that I used to do when my husband would order fast food, is to go into another room until he has finished eating and/or put the leftovers away. It helps to avoid being within an arms reach of what I want to avoid. Or when he buys cookies or brownies, I’ll put them in freezer bags and freeze them.
Or when someone invites me out to eat, I may or may not let them know how I’m trying to eat. However, I tend to look at the menus online to see if they have options that are better for me. If I happen to get tempted and want to eat a certain thing, I’ll order it and split it with a friend or ask the waiter to bring a box with my food and eat only a portion of my food. Then, I’ll box up the other half and eat it the next day or give it to my son or husband.
3. When you have a “friend” who inflicts the same wounds as an enemy…
There is nothing wrong with distancing yourself from people. There’s also nothing wrong with cutting yourself off from people. As I mentioned, there are people who don’t mean you well.
An herb that may be beneficial to one person, may poison another. Recognize how you feel after hanging around a person or a particular group of people. If you feel down and depressed after hanging around someone, it’s time to back away from them. Also, let them know their wrong. It’s very important to take up for yourself. That’s something that I wish I had done.
This is my first post in a new series for curvy minimalist essentials from my favorite brands. I have so many favorites that if I could buy from them all, I would. However, my bank account doesn’t match my dreams right now, but they will one day. So, until it does, I have created a series featuring all the things I wish I could buy. Consider this my wishlist/lookbook… A WishBook! Links are included for easy shopping.
If you’re like me, you might be a minimalist. We happen to like more solid colors, simple cuts, and simple pieces of jewelry. We also are good for having a few pieces we like to wear often and put together with other pieces. Many of us tend to be laid back and don’t care for anything that is contrary to our personality. Whether we realize it or not, if it contradicts who we are it makes look and feel weighed down.
So, I’ve taken the time to find these oh-so-cute casual items to help you shop for winter essentials from Asos Curve & Plus Size. Here are three looks with ten items you can mix and match. All of the items are for us curvy bodies and wide feet.
*Originally posted on my Instagram with some words added here.
I received this product from Influenster to try. I was supposed to take a before and after photo to show how this cream lifted and toned my skin.
I HAVE to be honest.
I didn’t make it past day one!
I’m going to jump right into why.
I put this on my face and was immediately put off by the smell of the product. I have a sensitive nose and certain smells are hard to ignore. It smelled very medicinal and the fragrance they added didn’t help. I know this isn’t all natural and organic. Sometimes, I don’t mind that. But I don’t expect it to smell like an ointment.
I know this isn’t all natural and organic. Sometimes, I don’t mind that. But I don’t expect it to smell like an ointment.
However, it felt okay on my face. It gave it a healthy glow. It didn’t get dry but if I was to touch my face lightly, I could feel the product on my fingers. I don’t think my skin completely absorbed the product.
Would I use this again? Maybe underneath another product with a stronger scent than this. Unfortunately, I could not use this product daily.
For now, I will stick to using my oil mix as a moisturizer. As far as lifting and toning, I just need to stop sleeping on my face. Can you tell which side of my face I sleep on the most?
As far as lifting and toning, I just need to stop sleeping on my face. Can you tell which side of my face I sleep on the most?
Have you used this? If not, would you? What do you use or do to fight the signs of aging?